Law #4: The Reciprocal Liking Effect

What is the Reciprocal Liking Effect?

Reciprocal Liking

Beyond similarity, another extremely powerful predictor of liking and attraction is our perception of another person's liking of us. We like to be liked, and just knowing that someone likes us is enough for us to feel attracted to that person. This is a phenomenon known as reciprocal liking. Romantically, discovering that someone whom we find appealing really likes us seems to get our engines going. Experiments confirm that people who are told others like them usually feel affection for them, in turn. The phenomenon may work because knowing that we are liked makes us feel good about ourselves, and we like being around someone who gives us positive feelings.

Ingratiation

The last topic we'll discuss in this lesson is related to reciprocal liking. Flattery sometimes acts as a cue that someone likes us. We tend to like someone who compliments us. However, this is only true if there is no apparent ulterior motive. Ingratiation is the use of flattery to gain another's favor. Most of us probably use the phrase 'sucking up' or the term 'brown-nosing' to describe ingratiation.

Imagine that someone you are just getting to know compliments your hair one day. That would probably make you feel good and like that person a little more, even if you're not aware of it. But, if you receive the compliment and you haven't washed your hair in a while or are having a bad hair day, you might suspect the person's motives. Even though we like flattery, if we attribute it to ingratiation, we typically lose respect for the flatterer and like the person less as a result.

Lesson Summary

Beyond similarity, another extremely powerful predictor of liking and attraction is our perception of another person's liking of us. We like to be liked, and just knowing that someone likes us is enough for us to feel attracted to that person. This is a phenomenon known as reciprocal liking. Flattery sometimes acts as a cue that someone likes us, and we tend to like the person who compliments us. However, this is only true if ingratiation, or the use of flattery to gain another's favor, is not detected.